Escaping from myself
by ignorencereekstruth
Summary: I look up into a sea of faces and immediately find myself staying at Malfoy, who is heading straight for me. He has already seen me and is looking at me. I gave him the emptiest expression I can. It's so difficult to trust him.' GWDM characters arn't OOC
1. Default Chapter

Escaping from myself 

Chapter one – Hope to lose myself for good

Ginny's Pov

That night I dreamt of things I didn't realize I thought about. I dreamt of war. The world will soon awaken to find us in the hands of evil. Voldermort will win the ultimate battle. I'd never thought about this before and I found it quite daunting. Now the realization that there will be a war has dawned on me. I do not fear it as I always thought I would. How can you fear being lost to the world when you're already lost to everyone else?

Even as I think about this now, I wonder. I wonder why I had dreamt of tears, my tears. I do not cry. To cry symbolizes sadness and regret. It symbolizes loss and hatred and love and happiness. I do not show emotion. That is why I am confused to find my eyes damp and my heart so heavy with worry. It takes me only a second to remember these dreams and mentally revisit each of them. Slowly did I realize that I dreamt of the future.

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I groaned as I heard Beth call my name. I hated getting up to face another day. Another day where once again I am alone. I'm always alone. TO others it would seem as I were 'just another Weasley.' I hated that thought. As much as I wish it sometimes, I am not like them. I am unlike anyone I know. Beth's shrill voice erupted my thoughts. I came to the same decision I made everyday. I will go out into the world. I will face them all, mocking me with laughter and happiness.

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Draco's Pov

At this moment I do not know what to feel. I know that being back at Hogwarts is for the better. I could not face being there still, being in hell, the place I call home. As I grew up I had imagined that for me, life would be a breeze. I'd get through Hogwarts exactly as my father had; giving hell to those less worthy. I'd graduate an join the Dark Lord. No other thought had entered my head. I'm a Malfoy what else is for me to do in life besides that? According to my father nothing. I do not have other choices. He claims that becoming a deatheater was always in my path, something I was destined to do. He did not take the fact that I did in fact want a choice well. As I remember him saying, 'I'm only a boy. I don't get a say.' How could I just take that? I wanted a say. I was going to get one, because hell….I'm a Malfoy.

'What will you do boy?' Father's cruel voice still echoed in my ears. I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't know what I would do, maybe I'd try out new things. I'd do what a normal wizard would do. I'd do whatever the hell I wanted. Of course I never spoke this, only did I think it. My father laughed at my silence. 'Exactly Draco. This is your life, get used to it. I'll be sending an owl to you at school when I learn more of your future.' At that moment I wanted to yell. Fuck, I wanted to scream. But now here I am at Hogwarts, about to face the first day of my last year. One thing I am glad of; I was made Head Boy and not the bloody boy who lived. Yes, my feelings towards my father had changed, but not Potter and his band of followers. No, I still hated them.

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Ginny's Pov

I made my way to breakfast with Beth and the others. I could see Ron and Harry up ahead but made no attempt to catch up with them. Since Sirius's death at the end of Harry's fifth year he had been more reserved. Sure he still laughed and had fun, but he wasn't the same. The hurt in his eyes was obvious, and we'd always know when he was thinking about Sirius. It was like a part of him had gone missing. I know that sounds clichéd, but with Harry it's true. Sirius was the only one who really was apart of him.

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I sat next to Beth and grabbed a slice of toast. Beth was…well I guess she was a friend. Not a true friend, no. I've never really had that. Never been able to trust someone, I've never really had someone who cared. I nibbled my toast thoughtfully. At least Beth was nice, and that was enough I decided. I looked up to the entrance and watched the late comers swarm in. Hermione was amongst them. She had been made Head Girl, which meant that she shared dormitories with Head Boy. I shuddered as Malfoy entered at the back of the group. I felt hate rise up in me. I hated everything about Malfoy. The way he walked, the way he talked. I hated his smirk and his constant need to make me feel bad. I hated his family, and his Dad for what he did to me in particular. I hated that I went through such a hard time in my first year because of Malfoy's Dad. All I can do lately is hate.

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Draco's Pov

I felt eyes upon me as I was the last to enter the Great Hall. I looked over to the Gryffindor table. Potter was not looking my way. I felt disappointed. He must still be feeling sorry for himself. Last year he was no fun to make fun of. He was just…silent around everyone but his friends. Perhaps he blamed me for what happened to his precious Godfather. Maybe he holds me responsible because he knows no other with immediate family in the Dark Lord's circle. Whatever it is I don't care. I looked at the youngest Weasley as she turned her back. I had only caught a glimpse of her, but she was pretty. Hell she was beautiful. Her long fiery hair looked radiant against her ivory skin. Her hair feel onto her back with such grace. I decided to see if I were the only one who thought this.

'Hey, Goyle, what do you reckon of Weaslette? You think she's hot?' I asked Goyle as he loaded his plate with his second helping of bacon and eggs. He looked up at me.

'I only saw her on the train, but she looked ok I suppose. Nothing like Pansy though.' He answered as he shoveled food into his mouth. If this were what most thought why was one of the people I hate most at this school so mysteriously good looking to me, and no one else?

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Ginny's Pov

I don't honestly know how I got through today, that dreaded first day. This year is defiantly going to be hell. First day back and already I'm paired with Adam Zambini, Blaise Zambini's evil younger brother. God I hate Slytherins. Snape was such an ass today. Why is everyone so against me?

'Glad to be back Ginny?' Beth asked me as I snapped out of my trance. I shouldn't make a habit of thinking so much while in the Great Hall I decided.

'Yeah I suppose.' I answered. I should of made more of an effort, but she seems to be fine talking with her other friends.

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I joined the group of Gryffindor's heading up the stairs.

'How was your first day Gin?' Ron asked me.

'Great.' I say with obvious sarcasm.

'Come on, wasn't that bad was it?' Harry asks as he pats me on my back.

'You have no idea.' I mumble as I climbed through the portrait hole.

Later that night I pull back my blankets and make my way as silently as I can to the common room. Thankfully no one is up this late. I just hope I don't get caught by Filch in the corridors. Silently I creep up to a tower I found late last year while on a midnight stroll. I've only been up here a couple times but it's a great place to think, or just sit. I'm pretty sure no one knows about it, if they do I've never seen them here before. I love this place. It's so peaceful, but at the same time bone-chilling. While I'm here time seems as thought it doesn't really exist. All that exists is me and the darkness that surrounds.

'Oh God Weasley, you're not praying are you?' I jump at this sudden noise. I turn around to see Malfoy standing pretty close behind me. He's actually not as bad looking as he used to be. Like it matters though, he's still a pompous ass.

'Kindly fuck off Malfoy.' I say as I roll my eyes and turn back around.

'I don't like your tone Weasley.' Malfoy says coldly as he sits next to me.

'And I don't like you! This is my place ok? I'm sure you can find somewhere else in the castle to sit and think of ways to bring Voldermort back to power, so like I said before, fuck off!' I reply, just as coldly.

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Draco's Pov

That bitch. How dare she make assumptions like that? She has no idea about life or what it's like to be forced into things. She knows nothing. I feel my anger rising.

'Don't talk about what you don't know.' I said loudly

'I'm pretty sure I know! Let me guess, life isn't perfect for Daddy and Voldermort and oh being the Slytherin toy boy is such a hard life to lead! And don't even get me started on how hard it is to have your own room! Man that's gotta be tough not to share a room with people YOU HATE! My God Malfoy. Your father made me life hell and still you continue to do so. You're the one who doesn't know what you're talking about. Now, don't make me say it again, FUCK OFF!' Weasley said. She was clearly getting flustered.

'I said don't talk about what you don't know! Don't take the fact that you're life isn't perfect out on me. Let me guess Weasley, sick of being poor and being 'just another Weasley?' Well guess what, no one cares. No body will ever care about you or what you think you bloody feel or know ok?' I yelled. I got up and quickly storm off. I don't care if that was harsh. Any reason to hurt a Weasley is good enough for me.

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Ginny's Pov

I don't get why that hurt me so much. It's not because I care what he thinks….it's just because what he said was true. No one cares. Now I'm overcome with tears. This is the second time. I don't understand what's happening. I hate emotion. I hate Draco Malfoy!

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Author's Note – Please Review with your opinion, but please no flames.


	2. Dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Chapter Two – Dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Ginny's Pov

That night I did not sleep well. Those words kept echoing through my head...'no one cares..' How does Malfoy know? Is it that obvious that I have no one who cares even a bit for me? I felt sure that Ron used to care…well now I'm not so sure. Since him and Hermione started going out he hasn't really paid a lot…well any attention to me. It's ok though, I mean I know that I guess compared to a lot of people I'm lucky. And in some ways I am. I just don't feel like life's treating me right at the moment.

Beth and I were late for charms that next morning. It was ok though, Flitwick didn't notice. We spent the next hour learning transportation charms. I'd almost got the hang of it by the time the class was over. Beth then went to muggle studies, and I to Ancient Runes. The classes were we were not together were the worst for me, because then I really felt invisible.

I made my way to lunch slowly, taking in every aspect of the castle as I saw it. The tapestry's and paintings that hung on the walls were really amazing. As I come to a window I see an owl fly past. It must have missed the morning post. The grounds look inviting today, as the clouds are grey and rain has started to fall softly. Each raindrop creates a beautiful scene as it hits the surface of the lake. The tree's leaves are moist from the rain and they look eerie, yet pleasant. A noise disturbs my viewing, and I turn quickly to see someone coming my way. I turn quickly and hide behind a suit of armour conveniently located near me. I was just out of sight as the person walked past. It was Malfoy, his attention focused on a dull bit of parchment in his hands. As soon as he had passed I hastily made my way to the Great Hall, not wanting to be alone with my memories of last night.

Draco's Pov

I started blankly at the page. My father, that bastard how dare he? I read the letter through again as my body shook with anger.

'**Draco,**

**I have told the Dark Lord of your wish to join him. He is glad of this news. You will be made Deatheater after your graduation.**

**L.M.'**

As I reached my dorm I kick the first thing to cross my path. Unfortunately it was a rather heavy chair. I fell to the ground and yelled in frustration. What was I going to do about my father? I needed to think, somewhere…peaceful.

Ginny's Pov

'Alright day Gin?' Ron asked me as he sat next to me in the common room.

'Mmm not bad. And yours?'

'Bit of a shocker actually. Double potions…I scored a detention.' Ron finished lamely.

'That sucks. How're you and Hermione doing?'

'Great. Actually that reminds me, I'm meant to be in her dorm now, so see ya later Gin.' Ron says as he slips away. My eyes linger on the fire in front of me as it burns vibrant orange and red. Eventually I drag myself away from it, back to my homework. This transfiguration essay was hard, and by far not my best subject.

'Hey Beth can you help me with this essay?' I ask shyly to Beth who is sitting not to far from me.

'Sure'

An hour later I close the portrait door behind me. Beth had been a great help, but now I needed some time to myself. I silently made my way to where I had been the night before. I hope to God Malfoy isn't there. As I finally reach my tower my fears are realized. Malfoy is standing at the edge of the balcony with his back to me. I really do not want a repeat of last night, so I quietly make my way to the opposite end of the towers balcony, praying he won't see me. I lean out on the rail and watch the sky as it turns blacker and blacker, as if to match my mood. I am in such a hurry to grow up and get out of this world. I need space to breathe again, I need to live. I want so many things in the world and lately all I do is think about them. And I know that it's selfish, but it's me and I can't help it if I hate my life.

'Weasley' A cold voice whispers in my ear. I turn around, knowing who it would be.

Draco's Pov

She turned and I backed her up against the wall. We were so close I could see every faded freckle on her now ivory face. She looked frightened, I saw fear dart across her eyes. She tried to make a run for it, but her small body is no match for my tall strong build.

'Let me go.' She states calmly, not daring to look me in the eyes.

'No.' I say, just to test her patience.

'Then you leave me no choice.' Her timid voice states as she turns around again. She raised her legs over the wall and climbs on to the railing that juts out above the high drop.

'What are you doing?' I almost yell at her as I grab her and try to get her down. Turns out she's actually pretty strong!

'Well you wouldn't let me go, and hey like you said, nobody cares right?' She says loudly.

'Weasley get down NOW!' I yell as I still attempt to get her down.

'Why do you care?'

'I don't, but it will look like I killed you. Come on, come down!' I say impatiently.

Ginny's Pov 

I have no idea what I'm doing up here. It was an impulse decision, and now I'm so scared. I look down to the impatient Malfoy.

'Then just go it your scared of getting blamed for this.' I say as I turn my back to him.

'Come on, I was just joking last night, I'm sure someone cares.' Malfoy pleads. I turn back to him as my tears start to fall.

'That's just it thought. You were right. Nobody cares. So please, if you want me to get down, just leave me alone! Don't pretend like you know me ok? I don't want you near me again.' I manage to say through tears. I look at his blank expression on his face and get down. He backs away and then I run. I run out of that place as fast as my legs will carry me.

A/N – Ok so how was it? Please review. It's seriously not that hard ok just press the little 'submit review' button! Thanks :)


	3. Ignorance rings true

Chapter three – Ignorance rings true

Harry's pov

I let a small laugh escape my lips as Neville described his summer to me and Dean as we sat in some chairs by the common room fire. We were the last three up, and although my mind wasn't really listening to what they said, it was nice just being in their company.

'And so then my Gran falls over too!' Neville finishes and Dean and I laugh. Neville then turns to me.

'How was your summer Harry?' I don't really know what to say in response to that, I mean I'm obviously not going to tell them it was lousy, because Sirius's death is still playing on my mind. But they didn't actually expect me to tell them the truth anyway.

'It was –' I began, but the portrait door opened and Ginny came through running. I don't think she even noticed us here, as she runs to the staircase. I stop her just as she's about to go up.

'Ginny, what's up, are you ok?' I ask. She turns around and I see that she is crying.

'I'm fine; I'm just going to bed. Goodnight.' She says, trying to pull herself together. She tries to head up the stairs but I stop her again.

'Gin, what's wrong?'

'Nothing! I don't want to talk right now, goodnight Harry!' She says, her back still towards me. I let her go as she runs up the stairs. I'd have to tell Ron about this.

Draco's pov

Well that was weird. I really tried to shake off that feeling as I walked back to Granger and my common room. As I entered it I was greeted by a nasty surprise; Granger and Weasley making out on the couch.

'Sure you wouldn't rather do that with Potter, Weasley?' I spat as they looked up.

'Piss off Malfoy!' Weasley said as his ears turned pink.

'No! I wanted to sit in here and I do not want two foul people going at it!' The mudblood stood up.

'Alright we're sorry Malfoy!' Granger says. I was just oing to go to my room when the portrait door opened. I turned around to see who it was….Great Potter's here too! Damn Granger had to give the password to everyone!

'Ron you should go talk to Ginny. She came back into the common room just before. She was crying ad looked pretty upset. She tried to tell me she was fine, but it's so obvious she wasn't.' Potter said before the others could get a word in.

'Shit, where had she been?'

'I dunno, she didn't say, but I think outside cause she looked like she had been where it was windy, her hair was all…windblown.' Potter finished. Weasley and Granger looked at me as I self consciously flattened my wind blown hair.

'Malfoy!' Weasley yelled.

'I didn't do anything! I didn't even see her!' I lied as I was given daggers from Granger.

'If you did Malfoy…' Weasley started, but the slamming of my door drowned him out.

Ginny's pov

I opened my eyes wide and looked around. The rising suns rays were starting to brighten the room. Last night I did not sleep well. Harry must of told Ron I had been upset because Ron was knocking on the door for about half an hour before he gave up. I was going to put last night out of my head, I wasn't going to think about it at all. I peeled back my bed covers and quietly go my stuff ready for the shower.

Half an hour later when all the other students were just rising I slipped out of the common room and slowly made my way to the great hall. As I walked in I was surprised. Only about twenty other people were in there. I sat at the Gryffindor table, being one of the three on it. I reached for some scrambled eggs and put some onto a piece of toast. I munched on it dazily until the Great Hall started to fill with people. I watched as Ron entered. Great, here comes confrontation time. He comes and sits right next to me.

'What was wrong last night? Harry said you were upset.'

'Morning to you too,' I reply.

'Ginny.'

'What! Nothing was wrong Ron just drop it.'

'No, Gin just tell me!' Ron demanded in a harsh tone that made a few people look up.

'I just had a bad day. Everyone has them.' I said quietly, not wanting to make a scene. At this Ron got up and stormed off. I sighed as I looked across the room and saw Malfoy look up from his plate. Out eyes locked. I couldn't read anything from those eyes of cold stone. I forced myself to look elsewhere. If I wanted to forget about last night, I had to forget the person who reminded me of it.

Beth and I copied down the divination homework and scrambled out of class, glad that it was the last lesson of the day. We slowly moved down the halls, but it took forever because so many people were there. I looked up into a sea of faces and immediately find myself staying at Malfoy, who is headed straight for us. He had already seen me and was looking at me. I gave him the emptiest expression I could and kept the stare until we passed each other. As I walked away with Beth I glance back to him and that is when my expression changes. It changes to fury, hurt, anger, loneliness, bitterness and nothingness. It changes now and only now, because then he can't see me. And then he can't pretend like he knows me.

'Ginny is something going on between you and Draco?' Beth asks as we approach the common room.

'God no!' I answer quickly, wondering how she thought that.

I did not go to that tower that I loved that night. Nor did I go the next night or the next. It was a place I avoided, as much as I hated to do it I had to. I had taken to going to bed earlier, which was hell, as I felt like an animal trapped in a cage.

Life goes on, and in the next few weeks I was fine. I even managed to push aside those feelings that kept me bitter for so long. Beth and I talked like normal friends would, and Harry and Ron and I were getting on better. The only problem was every time I saw Malfoy something inside me burned. I don't know if it was anger or hate of just remembering, but it burned. He still acted like he always had, well that was as it appeared to me. I shook these thoughts and tried to focus more on the game of chess I was playing with Ron. I cautiously moved a piece and hoped it would not end badly.

'Ha! Won again, I'm too good!' Ron exclaims as I sigh.

'Yeah whatever, I so let you win.'

'Sure you did. Oh by the way Harry and I are going to 'Mione's dorm now so you want to come too?'

'Nah I'll pass.' I say dismissively.

'Please come! You haven't seen the Head's dorms yet! Hermione could really do with some girl company. Please?' Ron begs. I give in eventually and along with Harry we amble slowly up to Hermione's headquarters. Ron whispers the password, which I don't manage to overhear. Thankfully the common room is Malfoy free, so we're able to walk up to Hermione's room without confrontation. Hermione greets us all warmly and we all sit on her huge bed. I vaguely listen to the conversation that is going on while I look out the window.

I sat up quickly and looked around. My heart was beating pretty fast, but soon I realised I must have fallen asleep in Hermione's room. I can just make out the digits on my watch; it's just gone 11:30pm. I must have been more tired that I thought. I fumble around in the dark and try and find the door. I open it up and my blood runs cold. Malfoy is walking across the room, on his way to his bedroom I presume. He stops and gives me a curious look. I focus again, on keeping my expression blank, as I always do. I suddenly realise who I'm looking at and I make for the door out of the common room. I am just about to reach it when Malfoy speaks.

'Weasley,' But I stay strong and I slam the door behind me as I walk out of there. I made my way to the Gryffindor common room quickly, sleep filling my eyes. As I walk up to my dorm I once again clear my head of all things Draco related.

I was awoken by Beth's shrill scream the next morning.

'Gin, we have 10 minutes to get to class!' She yells as she frantically throws her robes on.

'Crap.' I mumble as I do the same.

5 Minutes later we arrive at Care of Magical creatures, slightly out of breathe. Hagrid greets us warmly, not minding that we're late. I follow the class slowly as we approach the forest. Today's lesson does not interest me. Nothing interests me. My glance lingers on a tree and I find myself questioning this tree. How can it stand so strong? How does the wind now break it's spirit? How is this tree so different from me? Why can I not be strong? Why after these past 2 weeks of feeling fine – why now does this faze me? How did I fool myself into thinking I was fine? Why did I push every thought I had about Malfoy out of my head? Why is it I thought I had a right to be happy? How did I think I was any different from that girl 2 weeks ago who was desperate with loneliness? I am still that girl. I am so alone in this world.

A/N – How was it? Please PLEASE review! The more reviews the faster the next chapter goes up :)


	4. Hope is not in what I know

Chapter four

Ginny

I slung my bag over my shoulder as I walked back to the castle. I had told Hagrid that I was not feeling well, and wanted to go to the hospital wing. Hagrid, with his big heart let me go easily. Guilt filled me as I walk past the hospital wing, on my way to that tower that I love so much. I feel at ease going there at this time of the day, as I'm sure that Malfoy will not be there, and I was right. There I sat until my sadness could be no more. There comes a point where it just stops, and a wonderful sense of tranquillity fills your body. Soon, all I feel is emptiness. At least it's a change from feeling what I usually do.

Draco

I put her out of my mind for the 6th time that morning. I count to 10, and look back to the ingredients Snape had put on the board... 'Powdered wormskin, Toad eyes, Geranium stalks…' Geranium that reminds me of Ginny…fuck! What is going on? I hate Ginny Weasley, and yet I can't stop thinking about her. I have no idea why. What's worse is this feeling of guilt every time I think of here. Why do I feel guilty? What I said was true, nobody does care. Why would they? She's just a muggle loving poor girl. Even as I say this, I can't bring myself to believe it all. I need to find out why nobody cares, or if indeed they do. I need to get this girl out of my mind. And I will, I just need to sort it out.

I saw my opportunity that day after lunch. She was walking to her next class with that girl – Bessie I think her name is. I was behind her, and before she could turn the next corner I took the opportunity. I darted forward and grabbed her by the arm and pinned her up against the wall. I was too quick for her, and before she could register I looked deep into her eyes and tried to read them as best I could. I saw a fleeting look of fear that was quickly replaced with a cold stare. She had blocked me out once again. She did not struggle, but simple stood calm.

'Tonight. Be there." I whispered in her ear, knowing she would understand what I meant. Before she could respond I slid back into the crowd headed for their next class.

Ginny

I watched him retreat into the crowd... "Tonight. Be there…' Obviously he wanted me to come to the tower. But why should I go? Seeing him only makes me angry – the stupid git! What would he want with me?

'Sure, like there's nothing going on! What did he say?' Beth asked me as I pushed back thoughts of Malfoy.

'Oh, he told me that I bring shame to wizards." I easily lied.

'Oh, sorry then.' Beth said as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

'It's fine. Come on we better get to next lesson.' I said as we too joined the hallway of people.

I waited until it was silent, and checked my watch. 11:30pm. I quietly pushed back my doona and got out of bed. I hadn't bothered to get in pyjamas before, so I was ready to go to the tower. I tip-toed through the common room and made my way silently to the tower. I have no idea why I'm actually going to meet him. I should go back now – but my curiosity is to great.

Draco

I waited there in the dark until I could feel her presence. Even in the dark, she was beautiful – but still cold. Obviously she was doing the whole cold stare she does to me. I hate that – it makes me feel like she's blocking me out. Hell, of course she's blocking me out, she hates me! I looked at her again, and she was obviously waiting for me to say something.

'Ok…since that night something inside me has been screwed up' I said in a neutral tone. I looked to see if her expression had changed. It hadn't.

'I don't know what's going on, but I can't stop thinking about what I did – what I said. I think I feel guilty. I hate that because I'm a Malfoy, and I shouldn't care that I hurt you. I don't want to care that I hurt you. But I do, although I don't know why. What I'm trying to say is…sorry.' I finished lamely. Ginny looked slightly surprised for a second, but then composed herself, and went back to her cold expression.

'I hate that! I hate it when you look at me like that!' I almost yelled. I didn't mean to say that, but it just slipped out.

'And I hate life, but we can't change everything to fit our way can we?' She asked me coolly.

'That's it. That is what I don't understand. Why? Why do you hate your life? Even though I say you've got a poor family and whatever, the fact is they love you Ginny! Do you know how lucky you are to have people care for your well-being, and to support you? You don't realise how lucky you are. Why do you hate it so much?'

'Why should I tell you?'

'Because against my better judgment, I want to know, and I care.'

'I hate life because I've been like this for so long. One day I was sad, and then I can't remember not being sad. It just happed so quickly. I'm not so sad anymore, I'm just hateful. I don't regret it, because I don't remember a time when I felt any different. I'm still the same Ginny to everyone, because how would they take how I feel? I know I'm lucky to have a family that care. I just feel like I'm so alone in this world. Nobody understands, nobody will.

'I feel liked I'm trapped, and I'm dying to get out. Something inside of me is missing, and I need to know what. I feel so empty, so sad. I hate being alone, but it's a reality I'm faced with. I hate the fact that inside my head it's madness, like a battle has broken out. I hate the fact that now; my fears have become my friends. I just need that something, that something that I'm missing.' Ginny said boldly, her voice quavering sometimes. I felt so compelled listening to her. And I find myself caring so deeply. I leaned forward and touched her face, gently leading it up to mine, and then I kissed her. Her lips were not glossy, but soft and delicate. I felt her arms wrap around my neck as mine slid around her tiny waist. I pulled her closer as I deepened the infinite kiss.

Ginny

I felt warmth in his embrace, in his kiss. I gently and regretfully pulled out of the kiss, and remained in his arms. I did not want to let go, although what must have been 5 minutes I did. Our eyes locked, but for once I did not block him out.

'Tomorrow?' He whispered. I nodded, and with one swift kiss he left. I looked back to the night sky, trying to place this feeling inside of me. It was weird. I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. I finally felt comfort in his presence. I find myself thinking I can get through tomorrow, because I know I'll see him that night. I closed my tired eyes for a moment and felt the soft wind against my face.

Next morning

I woke as the sun was rising. For the first time I can remember I woke with a smile on my face. I stretched my arms and then pushed my doona to the end of my bed. I slowly muster enough energy to get up and make my way to the bathroom which is attached to the dorm I share with 4 other girls. I turned the hot tap on in the shower, undressed and go into the scolding water. I swore softly, and then turned the other tap on so some cold water came out.

Once I emerged out o the bathroom in my school robes, I found Beth and Abby(a girl in my dorm) awake, waiting for the bathroom.

'You were up early' Beth commented as I made my bed, something I rarely did.

'Yeah I guess' I replied.

'And your making you bed?' Abby asked me. I smiled at this.

'It would appear so.' I said lightly. Abby laughed.

'Ok, so who is it?' She questioned.

'Who?'

'This person who's got you all…normal again.' Abby said bluntly.

'I could choose to take offence to that you know, but I won't.'

'Lucky me. So who is it?'

'There is no one. Seriously there isn't. I'm just in a good mood.' I said with my serious face on.

'She's got her serious face on Abby, she's not lying!' Beth said.

'Thankyou! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish my transfiguration homework before breakfast.

A/N – How was it? Please Review and tell me! I know it's been a while since I updated, but I've been writing more lately, so hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Please Review!


	5. The shadow proves the sunshine

Chapter five

Shadow proves the sunshine

Ginny

'Pass the butter Gin' Ron said as he stifled a yawn. I gave him the butter which was sitting about half a foot away from him. He spread the butter over his toast, pausing every now and then to yawn.

'Bit tired mate?' Harry asked, suppressing a grin. Ron nodded.

'Why's that?'

'Hermione and I were doing…err homework pretty late, and then just when I was leaving Malfoy came through the portrait hole, looking smug as ever. I tried insulting him, but nothing I said would affect his Godly mood. So then I spent the night wondering what Malfoy's next evil plan is that has put him in such a good mood.' Ron explained slowly, as if every word bought him pain. I laughed at him nervously.

'Sure, like you and Hermione were doing homework!' I said as he gave Harry a sheepish grin.

'Gin, lets head off to potions.' Beth commanded as she yanked me out of my seat. I gave Harry and Ron a weak smile and followed Beth out of the Great hall.

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'Today you will be making a very powerful potion – if brewed correctly that is. It will make the drinker invisible for up to 2 hours. It is called, coincidently, the invisibility potion. The ingredients and method are on the board. You may begin.' Snape barked sharply at his 6th year class. I put my old third hand cauldron on the desk and looked up to the ingredients. The method looked quite difficult. I sighed, knowing I would never be a great potion master. But I guess I can try, because today is a good day…I think. Ok first step…cut up toad skin into small sliver's. Lovely.

I pulled back hair from my face. I have got to start thinking straight. Half an hour to go, and I will not think about him once. Except I'm still confused. I mean, what does he think will happen tonight? Is he going to go back to his arrogant old self, or be that Draco who has depth? I have put myself in a position where I am vulnerable. Last night I spilled my guts. God I hope he is the person I was with last night. Whoever he is tonight, I need to keep my head. I have told him things I haven't even told myself.

Somehow I managed not to do quite as terrible as some. My potion turned out to be blue, which is quite similar to green.

'How'd you go?" I asked Beth as we left potion together.

'Oh yeah alright, I mean it was green, but just not the green he described.' She replied as we walked through the entrance hall and out onto the grounds.

'Guy's wait up!' A voice yelled as us. We turned to see Abby running wildly toward us.

'Thanks for waiting fo me at potions!' She said sarcastically. Beth and I shrugged.

'Sorry…' I offered lamely.

'Oh its alright. Anyway, lets get going to. Herbology is my best subject, so I can help you guys out.' Abby explained as we followed her to the greenhouses.

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I saw at the dinner table, unaware Abby was talking to me, until she elbowed me sharply in the ribs.

'Gin! You didn't get a word of that, did you?'

'I would say yes – but I'm a really bad liar." I said as I looked her in the eyes.

'You've been weird today'

'Have I?'

'You know you have.'

'Yeah, I guess. I've just got some stuff on my mind.'

'Want to talk about it?' She offered, trying to hid her mouth full of potato.

'Oh no thanks. Its just you know about school work and all that.' I lied. Abby raised an eyebrow.

'Yeah you're right, not too good at lying are you?' She commented. I laughed and excused myself. I made my way up the stairs leading to Gryffindor common room. I stopped suddenly as I came out of the portrait hole. Harry was sitting next to the fire, just staring at it. He hadn't even noticed I was there. I knew what he was doing, what he was thinking about. Nowadays I rarely saw Harry smile. It was Sirius. Still her lingers on Harry's mind, after all this time. I approached Harry quietly, but he looked up. Our eyes met, but he didn't say anything. Without a word being said I reached him and gently hugged him. Ron was always with Hermione these days, so this left Harry alone quite often. He returned my hug and I tried to let my sympathy for him drown, because I know that is not what he wants. After a while I pulled out of the embrace and made my way up to my dormitory leaving him alone once again.

Later in the night

I waited anxiously for Draco to show. God I'm afraid, so afraid. I don't know what he expects from me. I watched him come p the stairs and approach me. As he came to me he took my hand in his and took me to the railing of the tower. There we stood facing each other until he spoke.

'Hi'

'Hi' I replied softly.

'Regret last night?' He asked me as he caught the look of confusion darting behind my eyes. I stood silent, not knowing what to say.

'Well, honestly I don't know.' I replied, braving to look into his eyes.

'What'd to regret? We've finally found each other. I've been alone for so many years, just as you. I know its odd, I mean we are arch-enemies, but if we feel this connection, should we be fighting it?' Draco said passionately.

'Who are you? That, what you just said then; it was beautiful. But how can I honestly trust you? I'm sorry to say that, but for so many years you have tormented me. Maybe it's just not meant to be.' I concluded sadly.

'You can go. Leave me like everyone else in my life has. But before you do, just look me in the eyes and tell me you're not feeling what I'm feeling! Fuck Ginny, I can't get you off my mind. Can you honestly tell me that I'm not on yours too?'

I stared into his eyes boldly. I can't tell him that. I sighed, knowing he was right.

'See? This is too strong. If you feel uncomfortable with me now that's fine. We don't have to do anything till you feel ok about it. But I'm just saying, lets be there for each other. We can get to know one another.' He suggested.

'But when we see each other in the hallways, or we bump into each other. Who are you going to be then? I just don't know who you are. How have you changed so much?'

It was then Draco's turn to sigh.

'I don't know. I honestly do not know why I'm so different. Maybe it's because I've woken up to my father and realised what a bastard he is. Maybe because I know what Voldermort is doing is wrong. Whatever it is, just please believe that I have changed. In answer to what we'll do when we see each other, I think you know what we have to do.'

'You have to insult me right? Pretend like you're still the same?' I said, not liking it one little bit.

'Yes. Because to everyone else I am the same. But just for now, can we put this out of our minds, and just relax?' Draco pleaded with me.

Draco

She smiled at me, and it lit up her face. I just want her to know how beautiful she is! She makes me feel so…so human. She reached forward and raped her arms around my neck.

'So you don't want to do anything like…this?' She said cheekily before she reached up to kiss me. I was taken by surprise, but after the initial shock, I responded and kissed her back as my arms snaked around her waist.

Just as I felt comfortable in the embrace, I had to pull myself away, so I could yawn.

'Tired?' She asked me, looking amused.

'Well you've been keeping me up lately. Seeing you, then thinking about you. It's hard work being Head Boy as well you know. I need all the sleep I can get!'

'Is that so?'

'Yes, it is.' I replied as I yawned yet again. She smiled at me again, and then before I knew it we were kissing again.

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I tip-toed through the common room I share with Granger and went into my room. I flung myself onto my bed and grinned stupidly. It was late…well actually early. I'll only get a couple of hours sleep until I have to get up. But she was worth it. After she pulled back from the snogging we had the best talk I've ever had. I don't know how it started, but when it did, it just took off. It wasn't a deep, moving conversation. It was more like…I was getting to know her, and her know me. The more I got to know her, the more I feel for her. She made me alive tonight. I slowly closed my aching eyes and drifted into a heavy slumber.

I snap my eyes open and sit bolt up right. My breathing is laboured, and my forehead is moist with sweat. I try to control my breathing as I recall my dream…Father. My father is smiling. His face is triumphant. He finally has his wish. I can see Voldermort's gleeful face, and I can feel burning flesh on my forearm. Father's wish has come true. I have been given the dark mark. I am now, like him, in service to the Dark Lord.

It was just a dream. There's nothing on my arm. This does not mean it's going to happen. I've just got to put it out of my mind…I focus on emptying and preparing my mind for the day as I pull on my jumper. Grabbing my bad I make my way out of my bedroom and stop once I get into my common room. Granger and Weasel are on the couch in deep conversation. I was about to go when I heard Ginny's name. I edge my way closer and pretend to be looking at a book while I listened.

'Beth told me she leaves late at night though! I'm telling you, there is something going on with her.' Weasley said desperately.

'Ron you can't accuse her of anything until you know for sure. I mean do you even have a guess at what she's doing?'

'Well not really. I think maybe she's meeting someone when she goes out. Someone she doesn't want anyone to know about.' Weasley said in a unconfident way.

'Ok…well we'll just look out for her more, ok?' Granger suggested. Weasley looked up at me and I quickly looked away.

'Get lost Malfoy!' He sneered. I was to tired to retaliate, and to his amazement I left without saying a word.

Authors note – Wow! I haven't updated in so long. I actually wrote this a while ago, but never got around to typing it up. Anyway now that I've read over this story, I can see how much I've learned in English class since then, and I know it was poorly written. So I need your advice everyone who's reading…should I continue this, or start a new story that doesn't change tense all the time and all that stuff?

REVIEW if you want me to update or whatever! Just review please :) Also if anyone knows of a Beta reader that would want to be mine, please let me know, because I didn't check this before I put it up. I just wanted you guys to read it. Enjoy and please review!


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